I woke up, too early, because of a vision. It wasn’t a dream because what I saw in my vision… really happened! In my vision, I saw myself touching/petting Jack, my donkey, in places that previously might have been “sensitive” to him. I rubbed him down his back and along his side towards his under belly. I petted him along his rump scratching his butt and his tail. Back to his front, I rubbed his forehead up and over between his ears and down his mane pausing to give his long ears a good rub with both hands. And all the time I was “petting” him, I cooed to him telling him how much I loved him. And as he looked back into my eyes, I kissed the top of his nose with my arm draped around his neck in a bear hug.
I couldn’t do this when Jack first came to me. He is often hyper-sensitive to touch that send ripples of irritation down his back; his way of shaking off the sensation of being touched. But yesterday, there were no ripples of irritation. He soaked up my attentions leaning into me for more. No food or treats were given to allow me to “touch” him; he just looked into my eyes as he leaned into me harder for more attention and petting.
Last weekend I was browsing the local donkey rescue site and saw they have a young donkey who needs a permanent home. I’m seriously considering adopting another donkey about Jack’s age to give Jack a “play mate”? A gelding for Jack to play with because really, Jill doesn’t want to play the way Jack wants to play. My concern is how to introduce a new donkey to my little “herd” of two? And how adding a new donkey will change my relationship with Jack?
One of the “selling points” of this new donkey is that he is coming from the donkey rescue where this new donkey has already been vetted and trained. As I watch the video of how this new donkey can be touched in all of his “sensitive” places, I’m wondering… can I do that with Jack? So I went out to the barn to see exactly how Jack would react to “being touched”? Why yes… I CAN touch Jack in those places too! Had Jack come to me from this donkey rescue, he would have been desensitized to being touched in these places like this new donkey has been. But Jack didn’t come to me from them… I’ve had to earn Jack’s trust to be able to touch him like that other donkey allowed.
I don’t know what I’m going to do regarding adopting another donkey? I think, maybe I should be grateful for what I have and not “rock the boat”? On the other hand, I think… It is now or never! I don’t want to live with regrets of what “could have been” either. And I know I have room in my heart (and physical space) to adopt one more.
This “vision” as I awoke came after thinking about how important it is to “live in the moment”. I can’t go backwards and live life as I once did; that is now my past. And no matter how much I would like to do the things I once was able to do, I know I now have “limits” and my living in my past is not physically possible for me to live.
Looking towards the future… that is very uncertain! My arthritis could worsen resulting in more surgeries OR it could remain as it is for an indefinite amount of time? I just don’t know? There are days when I can “do it all” and there are days when I can hardly move. But every day, I get up and move because really, what other choice do I have?
This last week I’ve been “dizzy”. If I turn my head, the room spins. WTH?? And then I remembered the “anti-seizure” medication I was prescribed for off-label use for nerve pain. I remember being prescribed this medication for my peripheral nerve pain and how taking my first dose, that nerve pain “evaporated” within 15 minutes of taking my first dose. I was told I could “up” the dose to rid myself of all of my nerve pain so that is what I did. I up’d the dose until I was dizzy as a side effect and then backed down figuring THAT was the dose I could handle. And for the most part, my nerve pain was gone. Feeling “dizzy” again, perhaps my nerves have healed resulting in my not needing as high of a dose of that anti-seizure medication? Maybe my body is healing itself and the nerves are no longer agitated? I’ve decreased the dose and the dizziness is gone. And… I’m not having nerve pain either! I’m still taking the medication at the lowest dose; one pill a day. I’ve read that stopping this medication abruptly can actually cause seizures! So for now, I will continue my one-pill-a-day until I feel dizzy again? Until I know it is time to decrease/stop taking this medication? I don’t know?
There is no doctor that is “following” my use of this medication. My “refills” are prescribed indefinitely to treat the nerve pain no one knows whether it will heal? It might heal; it might not? The nerves may have been so badly damaged, I might have to take this medication forever? So here is a medication you can take that will help and sorry if it makes you feel dizzy! Except now, I’m weaning myself off of this medication. I don’t want to feel dizzy! I hope I don’t have a seizure! I really worry about that!
Going out to the barn to “love on” Jack… I don’t feel dizzy. As I look into his eyes, his presence is reassuring. And for that moment, he accepts my touching him everywhere; he is as “trained” as that new donkey.
They say that donkeys will absorb a person’s “energy”; positive or negative. They will take those emotions a person puts on them and give back their positive energy leaving the person renewed and refreshed. This can obviously be very “healing”. I’ve no doubt Jack has helped me heal physically and emotionally. Perhaps I’ve helped him heal from his past too? Since I’ve no way of knowing how many “good days” I will have in the future, I try to balance my energy when I interact with Jack. And yesterday when I went out to “touch him all over”, that was my positive energy that I can do this with him. And he said yes. He allowed me to touch him all over just like that donkey in the rescue was being trained to allow.
So that donkey in the rescue? Do I adopt him and whatever emotional baggage he carries? Or do I keep things the way they are? I don’t know what to do?