A Vision

I woke up, too early, because of a vision. It wasn’t a dream because what I saw in my vision… really happened! In my vision, I saw myself touching/petting Jack, my donkey, in places that previously might have been “sensitive” to him. I rubbed him down his back and along his side towards his under belly. I petted him along his rump scratching his butt and his tail. Back to his front, I rubbed his forehead up and over between his ears and down his mane pausing to give his long ears a good rub with both hands. And all the time I was “petting” him, I cooed to him telling him how much I loved him. And as he looked back into my eyes, I kissed the top of his nose with my arm draped around his neck in a bear hug.

I couldn’t do this when Jack first came to me. He is often hyper-sensitive to touch that send ripples of irritation down his back; his way of shaking off the sensation of being touched. But yesterday, there were no ripples of irritation. He soaked up my attentions leaning into me for more. No food or treats were given to allow me to “touch” him; he just looked into my eyes as he leaned into me harder for more attention and petting.

Last weekend I was browsing the local donkey rescue site and saw they have a young donkey who needs a permanent home. I’m seriously considering adopting another donkey about Jack’s age to give Jack a “play mate”? A gelding for Jack to play with because really, Jill doesn’t want to play the way Jack wants to play. My concern is how to introduce a new donkey to my little “herd” of two? And how adding a new donkey will change my relationship with Jack?

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“Willaby” needs a forever home. I’ve been “approved” to adopt him if I’m up to the responsibility of another donkey? 

One of the “selling points” of this new donkey is that he is coming from the donkey rescue where this new donkey has already been vetted and trained. As I watch the video of how this new donkey can be touched in all of his “sensitive” places, I’m wondering… can I do that with Jack? So I went out to the barn to see exactly how Jack would react to “being touched”? Why yes… I CAN touch Jack in those places too! Had Jack come to me from this donkey rescue, he would have been desensitized to being touched in these places like this new donkey has been. But Jack didn’t come to me from them… I’ve had to earn Jack’s trust to be able to touch him like that other donkey allowed.

I don’t know what I’m going to do regarding adopting another donkey? I think, maybe I should be grateful for what I have and not “rock the boat”? On the other hand, I think… It is now or never! I don’t want to live with regrets of what “could have been” either. And I know I have room in my heart (and physical space) to adopt one more.

This “vision” as I awoke came after thinking about how important it is to “live in the moment”. I can’t go backwards and live life as I once did; that is now my past. And no matter how much I would like to do the things I once was able to do, I know I now have “limits” and my living in my past is not physically possible for me to live.

Looking towards the future… that is very uncertain! My arthritis could worsen resulting in more surgeries OR it could remain as it is for an indefinite amount of time? I just don’t know? There are days when I can “do it all” and there are days when I can hardly move. But every day, I get up and move because really, what other choice do I have?

This last week I’ve been “dizzy”. If I turn my head, the room spins. WTH?? And then I remembered the “anti-seizure” medication I was prescribed for off-label use for nerve pain. I remember being prescribed this medication for my peripheral nerve pain and how taking my first dose, that nerve pain “evaporated” within 15 minutes of taking my first dose. I was told I could “up” the dose to rid myself of all of my nerve pain so that is what I did. I up’d the dose until I was dizzy as a side effect and then backed down figuring THAT was the dose I could handle. And for the most part, my nerve pain was gone. Feeling “dizzy” again, perhaps my nerves have healed resulting in my not needing as high of a dose of that anti-seizure medication? Maybe my body is healing itself and the nerves are no longer agitated? I’ve decreased the dose and the dizziness is gone. And… I’m not having nerve pain either! I’m still taking the medication at the lowest dose; one pill a day. I’ve read that stopping this medication abruptly can actually cause seizures! So for now, I will continue my one-pill-a-day until I feel dizzy again? Until I know it is time to decrease/stop taking this medication? I don’t know?

There is no doctor that is “following” my use of this medication. My “refills” are prescribed indefinitely to treat the nerve pain no one knows whether it will heal? It might heal; it might not? The nerves may have been so badly damaged, I might have to take this medication forever? So here is a medication you can take that will help and sorry if it makes you feel dizzy! Except now, I’m weaning myself off of this medication. I don’t want to feel dizzy! I hope I don’t have a seizure! I really worry about that!

Going out to the barn to “love on” Jack… I don’t feel dizzy. As I look into his eyes, his presence is reassuring. And for that moment, he accepts my touching him everywhere; he is as “trained” as that new donkey.

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Jack, my beloved donkey. He’s one of my reasons to get up and face every day with strength and determination… 

They say that donkeys will absorb a person’s “energy”; positive or negative. They will take those emotions a person puts on them and give back their positive energy leaving the person renewed and refreshed. This can obviously be very “healing”. I’ve no doubt Jack has helped me heal physically and emotionally. Perhaps I’ve helped him heal from his past too? Since I’ve no way of knowing how many “good days” I will have in the future, I try to balance my energy when I interact with Jack. And yesterday when I went out to “touch him all over”, that was my positive energy that I can do this with him. And he said yes. He allowed me to touch him all over just like that donkey in the rescue was being trained to allow.

So that donkey in the rescue? Do I adopt him and whatever emotional baggage he carries? Or do I keep things the way they are? I don’t know what to do?

8 comments on “A Vision

  1. I (obviously) can’t speak to your health challenges and what impact they have on this decision, but perhaps three wouldn’t be that much more to care for than two? I think Willaby is a cutie who could benefit from your care and give companionship and support to Jack.

    Liked by 1 person

    • THANKS Eujenia! I do have a “safety net” in that if for any reason the new donkey does NOT “fit in”, they will take him back! I have an appointment to go out to meet “Willaby” tomorrow. We’ll see…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Jennifer, you have such a compassionate heart. I’m sure your heart tugs to adopt Willaby, too. Sometimes our hearts want what our bodies may not be able to handle. And yet emotionally can help you. I hope you will be given a clear direction. It’s hard to know, isn’t it? I rejoice with you at how much Jack has healed from former trauma. How much he has learned to trust you. That can be a long process. I’m so glad he has you. I’m grateful, too, that hopefully some of your nerves are healing. I pray that will continue! Love and hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Trudy!! I, too, am very excited that my nerves are healing (and that I can wean off that medication!) So far; so good in that department (no more dizzyness!)

      I do have a safety net that if for any reason “Willaby” should not work out, the rescue would take him back. And training him… well, I could take my time and just work at his/my pace. That is my thinking at the moment…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s often the same with birds. People want to add another, and often don’t stop to wonder might happen to their relationship with their current pet(s). It’s good that you are thinking about it. If all goes well, both will be happy (Jill, too) and there will be no drawbacks. But what do you do if Jack somehow takes a step or two back? Are you prepared for that? That is the real issue. Can you separate them? Would you want to? Are you willing to give up some of what you’ve earned over time with Jack? Since you can’t know what his reaction will be, make sure you are ok with it if that is the result. If not, don’t rock the boat and be happy with how far you have come. 🙂
    Nita

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Nita! I do have a safety net with the donkey rescue in that they will take “Willaby” back if he doesn’t work out for any reason here. (This donkey rescue is also in my will to take Jack & Jill some day as they will surely outlive me!)

      As for separating… Yes. I would introduce the new donk to the existing donks with a fence in between them (in the next stall). This means… I need to move stuff around but I certainly can do that; it just might take a bit of time though.

      Regarding Jack… he MIGHT back step a bit but there are also times I can’t be out with him/them where a “playmate/friend” would be good for him. Hmm… definitely a big decision!

      We are going out to meet him tomorrow (and talk about how to introduce new donkeys to an existing herd (of two). We’ll see… I’m excited and nervous at the same time!!

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  4. Oh what a precious vision you were gifted! Just to know that your Jack has come through so much and is so connected to you is a true blessing. I am sure that he would say the same about you if given the opportunity–but maybe his comfort and willingness to be with you now is his way of saying thank you! I will pray for you to know if Willaby is to be added to your family or not. What an opportunity, even to be able to consider, as your health issues seem to be stabilizing a little bit too! Blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • THANKS Bettie! My thought is that feeding 3 donkeys (and mucking up after) is not much more than doing that for two? I know Willaby is “vetted” already and healthy (not true with J&J initially!) And that if for any reasons things “don’t work out”, the rescue would take Willaby back… No questions!

      That said, I think about MY abilities and while I’m no longer a “speed demon”, I can take my time and work w/ Willaby like I’ve done with J&J. I may get worse physically but I may not… so hard to tell what the future may hold? I’m trying to live in the present so I don’t ever have “regrets” later.

      I also know that for “routine” care, my husband and son are willing/capable of feeding, etc. I can also hire someone to come “help” if it came to that too? Adopting Willaby is not a decision taken lightly.

      In the end, both J&J (and Willaby if I adopt him) are in my will to go back to this rescue. They will surely outlive me so their future has already been planned. (All of my “pets” have directions in my will for their well-being.)

      I pray I make the “right” decision trusting that I’m being guided on the path I should take in life? And Jack… He will always be so special to me… the plain donkey who was once discarded who has “given back” to me in more ways than I can possibly explain! I count him as one of my greatest blessings! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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